Saying inappropriate stuff to kids

Things you shouldn't say to children:

"I'm going to hook you up to a car battery and jolt you if you don't pick up that ball."
-"But that's illegal"
"Well, I really wish it were legal right now."

"What's going to happen if I don't hand in my homework?"
-"You will burn in hell."

"Wow, you look a lot like Lois Griffin."

And now: a hilarious poem by Philip Larkin

"This Be The Verse"

They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra just for you.

But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were sloppy-stern
And half at one another's throats.

Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don't have any kids yourself.